Holy sh*t week forces Twitter top brass to go on ‘retreat’

Twitter’s top execs - what’s left of them - are expected to go on a retreat today as they look for inspiration on how to pull the microblogging service out what is looking less like a slump and more like a nosedive.

The claim, tweeted by CNBC, is just the latest bizzaro development after a weekend that has already seen five senior execs leave the company, and a week after co-founder and CEO Jack Dorsey slipped out of the ranks of tech billionaires into mere millionaire status.

And just to further complicate things, re/code reported that even as Twitter struggles to reinvigorate new subscriptions and find a viable ad model, or something, it has been turning off ads for its more...influential users.

For Catholics, going on “retreat” has long been a way of achieving spiritual renewal, whether by closeting oneself away for a period for private contemplation or dragging oneself up a slate strewn mountain on your knees.

We imagine Dorsey and co won’t have time for the former, though the process may well feel like the latter.

Twitter names commerce chief Nathan Hubbard as interim media head; $TWTR mgmt. holding retreat Tues. to discuss future of company - source

— CNBC Now (@CNBCnow) January 25, 2016

Twitter’s stock fell almost five per cent yesterday to rest at $17 – way, way down on its $69 peak a mere two years ago. On the plus side, as USA Today points out, it has $3.5bn in cash, which it calculates is around 412 years of cash burn, assuming last year’s $8.5m spend.

Which kind of sums up the problem. Investors - unlike the Catholic Church - tend not to think in terms of centuries. They’ll be eyeing up that cash pile, and if Dorsey and Co don’t come up with something quick, they might have the temerity to demand it back. ®